I get by with a little help from my friends.

I am up late tonight and have a lot on my mind. This may seem very personal but I have to write this down.

1st: 6 years ago I was devastated to hear my husband tell me that he was struggling with things in his life and he felt it necessary to stop going to church. I didn't understand why when you need God the most you turn your back on him. I struggled with this for years. It broke my heart but I remained strong in my faith. I knew God would not give me any thing I couldn't handle. Over the past 6 years I have been through more than any of you could know. I have suffered in silence out of respect for Rob. He continues to make choices that I don't agree with but he is still the man I fell in love with 18 years ago.

2ND: I am so very proud of my 15 year old. She is so smart and funny and beautiful. The day Emily was born I was overwhelmed with feelings of doubt that I could be a good mom. I am so glad that I was able to quit working while she was still a baby and watch her grow. She has always amazed us with her never ending desire to learn and figure things out. She has set a standard for herself to achieve great things in her education and tomorrow she will be recognized for some of those things. Just a year and a half ago we were handed a diagnosis that rocked our world. She has days when she asks "why me" and days when she wants to shout from the rooftop everything she knows about diabetes. I still have days when I wonder what she will become, who she will be in a few years, what type of wife and mother she will be. I know that no matter what she does, she will be great at it!

3rd: 10 years ago a beautiful, brown eyed little boy entered our lives and stole our hearts. Jeremy will turn 12 next week and I am still in awe of him. He has overcome many obstacles in his life and is determined to follow in his sisters footsteps by setting a high standard of learning for himself. We just found out today that he will be in the advanced math class next year. I think some of this comes from having some tests done and finding out that he is perfectly normal and just bored in class. So we will see how he handles this new challenge. On May 30Th he will receive the priesthood in our church and it makes me happy. We are so blessed to have men in our church who have been mentors and wonderful examples to Jeremy. I am excited to watch Jeremy grow and learn. He is so funny and keeps us laughing most days. I know that he will make a young lady very happy some day. I just wonder when he will be full and stop growing. As of right now he is 5'5" and shows no signs of stopping.

4Th: I think with getting a new bishop and Jeremy turning 12 and getting the priesthood I have noticed some changes at our house. We still have our moments of stress and frustration but we love to be together as a family. Most of my favorite memories are the ones spent with the three people who live under my roof. Rob's schedule has changed at work and it is allowing us to do more fun things together. He is now off on Friday's and Jeremy is having fun dragging him to scout camp outs that he has always missed in the past. Emily loves the attention and time her dad spends teaching her to drive. I love having him home and we get to have date night now. I have seen the stress level in our house go down and it gives me hope.

5Th: My life has not been as I would have thought when I was younger but I am glad to be where I am. I don't know what the future holds but I feel like it will be good things. Little by little I see changes in Rob and my prayers are that one day he will want to join us on Sunday. As my kids grow older and start showing their individuality I want them to know that I love them and only have their best interests at heart. I am truly blessed and I am happy.

I have many friends who will read this and totally understand where I am coming from and I will have others who will read this and wonder why I said any thing at all. I love you any how.